Same-sex Marriage

If anything in Christian circles carries a giant Label, it is gay sex.

I was raised with the idea that gay sex isn’t allowed and that same-sex marriage is an undermining of the ‘real’ marriage. A ‘real’ marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, so I was told, with the commission, or in any case the theoretical possibility, to have children. God created Adam and Eve as an example.

An other argument that was told often was; “If you don’t know who is the man and who is the woman, how can you be an image of Christ and His church?

And what I also have heard is “If you are giving consent to other marriages than between a man and a woman, you will be on a slippery sloop that could lead to permission for a man to marry his horse or multiple woman.”

I have to say I still wrestle with this subject. On the one hand I think people of the same sex just have the right to a confirmation of their love in a (civil) marriage, but on the other hand I still find it hard to give Gods blessing over this union.

The Bible seems to be pretty clear about gay sex; it is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. I started to read these passages and it appeared that this was said in the context of adultery, incest and bestiality (Leviticus 18) This is all about degenerated, harmful, forced sexuality, not about enjoying each other in the safeness of love and faithfulness, like in a marriage. Also the gay sex in Romans 1 is about adultery and prostitution. Here love is replaced by self-centredness and faithfulness by ‘one night stands’. It has nothing to do with a long term relationship like marriage is.

I also thought that, when something is an abomination to God, that is a worse sin. But when you read Leviticus and Deuteronomy quite a lot is an abomination. Deceit is, injustice, degrading customs and habits, etc. The one sin isn’t worse than the other to God, but one sin has a worse impact to humans than an other and is therefore more ‘abominal’.

The marriage as an image of Christ and His church from Ephesians 5: 21-33 also was an obstacle for me for the same-sex marriage, until I found out is isn’t about gender roles but it is about how you should love each other. In the age of the Ephesians a man was the boss and his wife had no say in anything. This part of the Bible turns this upside down. A picture is given from a man as head of his wife like Christ is head of His Church. Christ even gave His life for the church. He came as a servant. Likewise a man should love his wife. A picture is given from a woman who is subject to her husband like the church is to Christ. The church has a large autonomy and responsibility, but always bears the Head in mind. So they actually are both ends of the same stick. You are focused on each other. You respect each other and you love the other more than you do yourself. This applies to a man and a woman, but also to a man and a man or a woman and a woman.

What’s left is the image of God. Men and women are created in the image and likeness of God. According to some, because of this, marriage is an image of God, who is both male and female.

I think every person individually is created in Gods image, but no single individual is thé image of God. Only Jesus has shown who or how God is and He really was single. In a marriage you can see how love, care, loyalty and forgiveness work and that should we able to provide for an image of God. But you can find that in every sound relationship, even in friendships.

So actually biblically spoken there is not much of a foundation for me to remain opposed to blessing a same-sex marriage. It is more a matter of getting used to a radical different point of view. And that isn’t easy I must say.